We’ve all heard the term, “nice guys finish last”, and when it comes to women, and life in general it’s pretty true.
But that sentence is also misleading. Firstly, nice guys aren’t really ‘nice’ guys. They’re more like ‘passively aggressively manipulating to try and get their needs met’ guys. And Secondly, being a nice guy or a bad boy aren’t really your only two options as a man, what women really want is a man who sits between these two extremes, otherwise known as ‘An emotionally mature man’
Let me explain..
Nice guys and bad boys are two opposing ends of a spectrum. They both suffer from low self esteem issues, but handle them in very different ways. But like most extremes, neither option is emotionally healthy.
Nice Guys are so obsessed with meeting the needs of those around them, that their own needs never get met. So they never finish first. In relationships they get walked over, and often feel resentful for having done ‘all the work’, and gotten no appreciation.
Nice guys aren’t nice because they’re good human beings (even though that’s what they love telling themselves), they’re nice because they’re afraid of disappointing others. And they are trying to buy women’s affections with ‘niceness’, and women are repulsed by that. It’s a bit like a used car salesman trying too hard to be your best friend.
Bad Boys are so obsessed with getting their own needs met, that they forget to care about meeting the needs of others around them. While they may finish first, their existence is lonely and depressing because they can’t form quality human relationships. The women they get ‘first’ soon abandon them because their needs aren’t getting met.
So how do “Emotionally Mature Men” interact with women?
Picture this request:
WOMAN: “Can you drive me into the city tonight at 11pm?”
NICE GUY: “Absolutely, anything you want”
EMOTIONALLY MATURE MAN: “Sorry I have an exam tomorrow, and I need to be well rested”
Unlike a nice guy, an emotionally mature man is willing to say no when he feel like his needs are more important than hers.
WOMAN: “what a shame, it’s to visit my grandmother in hospital she hurt her hip in the shower”
BAD BOY: “Sorry, not my problem”
EMOTIONALLY MATURE MAN: “Oh in that case yes absolutely”
You see, A Bad Boy will never look after a woman’s needs even if they’re more important than his own. But an emotionally mature man is willing to change his mind and be there for a woman if her needs are more important than his own.
Women are very attracted to a man who is willing to say no to them when he doesn’t want to help her. It means they can trust where they stand with him and relax into being feminine. Women don’t want a man they can manipulate. She may get frustrated that she can’t control you, but she will be very attracted by you at the same time.
If you feel like you are that guy who is always there for friends and girlfriends, but you never seem to get the credit or appreciation you deserve, then you are most likely falling into the trap of being a ‘Nice Guy’. N/p>
One of the most powerful things you can do is start becoming aware of what you are feeling every time a person asks you for a favor. If any part of you doesn’t want to help out, then just say no. It will feel scary at first, you will feel like you are being a selfish and probably a ‘bad’ person, but you will quickly find your self esteem will go up, and women will stop overlooking you for bad boys.
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Started by Damien Diecke in 2008, SOA has gone on to become Australia's largest dating coaching company, now setting it's sights worldwide.
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