“I think the girl I’ve been having casual sex with is starting to fall for me, how do I stop her?”
This must be one of my most common questions I get from ex students who aren’t yet ready to settle down into a relationship. If you too have this question, then put your ego aside for a moment because the answer has a lot more to do with her body chemistry than your being the ultimate catch.
What many of you have no doubt known since puberty is that a lot of your behaviors and feelings are directly attributed to your hormones, and the feelings of love and attachments are well understood to be a result of hormones as well. The culprit in this case is a hormone called Oxytocin.
Oxytocin is like a powerful bonding rocket fuel, which compels a woman to seek connection, closeness, and to take a keen interest in looking after others. Levels of oxytocin completely skyrocket when a woman has just had a baby, and breast feeding mothers release so much addictive oxytocin that rats in experiments choose the comparable oxytocin hit over a hit of cocaine every time.
Apart from motherly tasks, oxytocin is released copiously in the following conditions:
- Hugs that last more than 20 seconds
- After sex, especially after a woman orgasms
- Prolonged eye contact
- Prolonged human touch (such as skin stroking or hand holding)
With this chemical coursing around a woman’s veins every time she is around you, she is going to begin to start feeling ever more bonded to you emotionally. Before she knows it, despite her better judgment she has started to fall for you.
Now before you go and roll your eyes at women and their emotionally complicated body chemistry, men have their own bonding hormone called Vasopressin which plays a very similar role to oxytocin and is released during exactly the same moments. That’s why many men often find themselves inadvertently falling for casual sex partners too!
So, is there a way around this chemically complicated predicament? Well indeed there is.
If the woman you are engaged in casual sex with is ALSO sleeping with other men, then her body can’t get too hormonally attached to any one man. If you are sleeping with other women, then you also can’t get hormonally attached to one particular woman.
While this might not seem like an ideal solution to some, it is the only safe way. Sure some women will be highly relationship-averse and fight the oxytocin rush for a long time, but at the end of the day her body is built to achieve what her genetics want, not what her logical mind wants, and she will cave.