I remember when I first got involved in the pick up community in 2004. A lot of things have changed in the industry, and pretty much all of them for the better. Old fashioned mindsets are being formatted into more accurate and morally sound views and processes. The Majority of men I talk to now want to stop being fake when they pick up women, and there is a massive shift to being more ‘real’.
One of the mantras being shouted at us back, and shouted at most guys still today is “looks don’t matter”, and any time anyone stepped up to question it, they were quickly shoved in the “limiting belief” box. But we all feel it deep down inside, we all know that somewhere along the line looks count for something, but what?
On the one hand, we clearly see women fawning over cute guys all the time, on the other we see lots of unattractive guys with stunning women wherever we look. So what gives?
Well there’s good news and bad news.
The bad news is that looks are always going to matter. The good news is that there’s solid scientific evidence why it’s not going to be as big a deal as we men often feel it is.
Let’s start with the good news.
One of the many differences between men and women is a little discussed aspect to neuro-plasticity (the brain’s ability to change itself physically) called Sexual Plasticity. You see men’s sexual preferences tend to get locked in at some vital point in their development (somewhere between 8-13 years old), and once locked in place it can almost never change. Sure the theme can change, I used to love tall skinny blondes, now I like my South American Curvy Brunettes, but the underlying traits don’t. This ‘sexual rigidity’ in men is one of the big reasons why there are far more male Pedophiles, masochists, sado-masochists etc. It also helps in part to account for the far lower rate of bi-sexuality in men (although in truth the jury is still out on that one).
Females on the other hand experience a phenomenally high sexual plasticity. That is, women can actually ‘learn’ very easily to be turned on by dramatically different stimuli. Hence women can learn to enjoy anal even without a prostate, they can learn to enjoy being submissive or dominant, they can learn to be turned on by women or by men and the list goes on.
What this means is that if you can flick the right switches for a woman, she will quickly learn to be turned on by you regardless of how you look. She is in fact ‘wired’ that way neurologically.
Now the bad news.
You still have to get a woman to hang around long enough to be open to changing her sexual preference. I call this period of time your ‘Window of Opportunity’.
If you walk up to a woman, and you are dressed like a slob, you smell bad, and you have are 80kgs overweight, how many pick up ‘mistakes’ do you think she will suffer before telling you to get lost? What if instead you are dressed really sharply, you smell good enough to eat, and you’re in great physical shape? Of course your window of opportunity is going to be much larger, you can get away with a less solid game before a woman will show you the door.
Now being tall, dark, handsome, and maybe rich just for the heck of it is going to also help open that window for you. But there’s no point focusing on those because you have no control over them. And besides, you’d be amazed how many tall handsome guys with lots of $$$ come to me wanting dating help. If you don’t know how to attract women, the looks won’t change that.
So if you ARE blessed with amazing looks, the first 5 minutes of your pickup process can afford to be less outstanding. And that’s what many of you have probably already noticed, the better looking guys have an easier time of the ‘approach’ part of the process.
However if like most guys, you’re sitting somewhere around average or below, then consider the below tips to open your window of opportunity wide up regardless of looks:
1) Be impeccably presented – Iron your clothes, have clean shoes, pluck your monobrow, cut your nails, brush your teeth, smell amazing
2) Approach with confidence – Have great eye contact, take up lots of space, speak loudly and clearly – don’t play games and don’t give fake lines
3) Give women a big beaming smile – We are attracted to happy people, we find it incredibly difficult to shut out people who are in a good mood.
4) Commit to your interaction – Too many guys only approach women half-arsed, they don’t put their all into it in the fear that they will get rejected.
I am incredibly pedantic about getting your approach right because if you can communicate all the right personal attributes to a woman in those first few moments, then any man regardless of wealth or looks can buy himself a huge window of opportunity.