I have always viewed my life as a journey… At times I am living it large and it is an epic movie length adventure, and at other times, I become lazy and boring and it becomes like a Twitter post. Nevertheless, I try my hardest at all times to be on a journey to somewhere. This journey includes but by no means is limited to the friends I surround myself with, the tough decisions I make, and the activities I regularly engage in to name a few. All these factors come together to form Damien D – my sense of self and who I truly am.
In my past I have for reasons I still can’t logically make sense of, changed the course of my journey because there was a woman around. This could be subtle such as skipping the gym a couple of times to hang out with her more, or life changing such as putting my life purpose on hold to please her. Very often, I would make very small changes to my life journey almost from the first date with a woman – this may be for example; I would take her on a date somewhere that I would never normally go myself, simply because I wanted to impress her, or make her think that I was a certain type of guy.
What I found from this experience was that a man should never change the course of his journey just for a woman. To do so will lose you respect and I’ll tell you why. Sure you can get a request now and again such as “you can just do your gym tomorrow and we can do something nice together, can’t we?” and I, as you I’m sure, feel a powerful compulsion to please her, after all she’s asking me nicely and she obviously wants to spend time with me, so why should I turn her down? I turn her down because I remember that above all, she wants to see that I’m dedicated to my journey and that she doesn’t have the power to pull me away from what’s important to me.
Women want a man to be just that, a man – with two awe inspiring balls between his legs and who isn’t afraid to use them. Even though she’s disappointed at this time, she is intrinsically more attracted to me next time we meet because I’m reaffirming my strength in my character so that she can in turn trust me for who I am, not what she can make me.
Always be aware of what your journey is and stick to it like glue. Bring her along to the ride of your life. Take her out shopping with you, get her to help you hang up your washing if you planned to hang it up that day, but never step away from your journey for her sake (except you know in dire circumstances like a death in her family or something, aka that statement comes with a ‘dont be an as*hole’ escape clause).
Going on a first date? Take her to places that you like to go, or introduce her to your friends. Your familiarity will rub off on her, and she will see you behaving much more naturally. A great idea is to think of all the activities you would like to engage in, such as trying that new Brazilian BBQ restaurant, or trying your hand at rock climbing, and take a woman there for a first date. Your enthusiasm will be duly noted.
Never forget to create time for your friends. I know it can be easy to become a lazy ‘movies and pizza’ kind of guy when there is a woman around, but again over time, you are slowly but surely losing her respect and her sexual passion for you by not sticking to your journey. Be a man and gently tell her occasionally that she has to go home because you need some alone time with your mates. Don’t be a rude about it, but stick to what you know is right and she will love you for it.
Women love a strong man. How many movies have we heard a woman use the term ‘You are my rock’ when referring to a man she can rely on? Women love that. How can a woman rely on you if you keep changing your journey to appease her? If a woman feels that you are certain enough about your journey that she cannot change you, then she will forever admire and respect you for it. Try it and see where it goes. When I first started sticking to being who I was completely, I was surprised at how often the woman in my life will do something special for me next time I saw them in order to reward me for sticking to my purpose – for example, offer a massage, or offer to take me out for dinner. Don’t believe me? Try it for yourself and make your own judgement.
To finish, it must be noted that this isn’t all about you and that this is a two way street. You must respect her purpose and her need for alone time with her friends. It just won’t work otherwise. Only demand what you can give also.
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About Damien Diecke
He's an international speaker, best selling author, and a dating coach for over 10 years.
He is the founder of Australia’s largest dating coaching company School of Attraction, The Author of Amazon best seller Sincere Seduction, and has featured frequently on all of Australia’s major TV and RADIO stations.